Look for machinist jokes at the bottom of the page
and at the bottom of each of the above links V

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expenditures are difficult to justify
That's why service and cost are important
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Machinist Jokes:   Machinist Humor

You know you are a machinist when:
*It's dark when you drive to and from work
*Conversations with fellow workers often begin
  with "Please put the gun down and
   then we can talk"
*You see a well dressed person and you
    know he is a visitor
*Question you're most often asked:
   "You still work here?"
*"Only thing you've had published is a letter
    to Penthouse Forum"
*Boss hires Dr Kevorkian as personnel consultant
*You've worked at the same machine 4 years
    and worked for 3 different companies
*Your supervisor hasn't the ability
   to do your job
*Rumors, Rumors, Rumors
*"Doing your nails" requires an
   air compressor and a power sander.
*In his life, will eat own weight in Slim Jims
*Weekends are those days your wife
    makes you stay home
*Guard at guard shack nervously
   fingers his revolver when you pass by
*After your hands become coated with coolant
   your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
*Employee discount days discontinued
   at Ammo Attic
* Dream vacation is a room full of
   fluorescent lights and unlimited
   supply of coffee
*You get excited about a 3% raise

*Too many decisions are measured with
   a micrometer, marked with chalk, and
   cut with an axe
*What do CNC Programmers use for
   birth control? Their personalities
*A train stops at a train station
  A bus stops at a bus station
  My desk is a workstation
*Applying machining technology
  means finding the right wrench
  to pound in the correct screw
*Management: We don't really
  understand the problem so lets
  give it to the programmers
*Christmas is like a day at the shop
  You do all the work and the fat guy
  in the suit gets all the credit
*Turnover is good for the company,
  as it proves that we are doing a good
  job in training people.
*"It is easier to change the specification
  to fit the CNC program than vice versa."
Click this link to next page of jokes

You know a Machinist has been at his CNC
for too long when:
* Hasn't left his machine since he found Internet
     Casino Video Poker
* When programs disappear blames the
     CNC disk fairy
* Runs System check on that Tetris game
* Claims to be the love child of Giddings & Lewis
* Downloads naked pictures through the Ethernet
* Monitor plays Pay-Per-View
* Finds Fanuc software upgrade to run AOL
* Drinks Simple Green like it was Root Beer
* Wife makes sarcastic remark about his software

Three most dangerous people in the world
* A CNC programmer with a Soldering Iron
* A CNC repairman with a program patch
* A CNC operator with the password

Signs your shop boss is spying on you
* Wherever you go you're followed
    by a Tool Cart with sneakers
* The bracelet he gave you for Christmas beeps
    when you leave your CNC machine
* Shop coffee has a hint of Hazelnut
   and sodium pentothal
* Find yourself getting Tasered more
   than with previous shop leadman
*The bandsaw just coughed

*"Adding manpower to a late CNC project makes it later."
*CNC Programming:
   doing the same thing over and over again
   and expecting different results.

*Real CNC Machinists don't eat quiche.
  Real CNC Machinists don't even
  know how to spell quiche.
  They eat Twinkies, Coke and
  palate-scorching Szechwan food.
*Real CNC Machinists don't bring
  brown bag lunches to work.
  If the vending machine sells it, they eat it.
  If the vending machine doesn't sell it,
  they don't eat it.
  Vending machines don't sell quiche.
*Real CNC Machinists don't believe 
  in schedules.
  Planners make up schedules.
  Managers "firm up" schedules.
  Frightened operators strive to meet schedules.
  Real  CNC Machinists ignore schedules.
*Real CNC Machinists don't read manuals.
   Reliance on a reference is a hallmark
   of the novice and the coward.