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Machinist Humor --- Machinist Jokesvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Program: A magic spell cast over one's CNC machine allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. CNC Programmers drinking song: 99 bugs in the G-code  99 bugs in the G-code Fix one Bug reload it again 101 bugs in the G-code 101 bugs in the G-code 101 bugs in the G-code. Fix one bug reload it again 103 bugs in the G-code 103 bugs in the G-code 103 bugs in the G-Code. Fix one bug reload it again Plan to throw one away, you will do that anyway Your choice is to whether to try and sell it to the customer V The best part of my day is the five minutes I wait for my CNC to boot up CNC software: Part of the machine that can't be kicked Haas: Is user freindly-It's just picky          about it's friends 2400 baud makes you want to get out and push *I keep hitting the escape key but I’m still here. CNC Operator: A red eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects CNC programming dept: mistakes made while you wait Warning: Young ladies if you wear loose clothing be aware of the machinery. If you tight clothing be aware of Machinists  Let's play machine shop. You make something and I'll grunt and reject it. Any given program will expand to fit available memory plus 1K "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 Is reading in the bathroom Multitasking? If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parenthesis Smith and Wesson the ultimate point and click interface

Excuses when the boss catches you asleep *I was testing the CMM for drool resistance *Whew! I guess I left the cap off the Dykem *It's OK, I'm still billing the client *"...And I especially thank you for the nice Boss, Amen" Reasons to Go to Work Naked *Your boss is always yelling     "I wanna see your ass in here by 7:00!" *"I'd love to chip in,     but I left my wallet in my pants" *People stop stealing your 6" rule after     they've seen where you keep it *Diverts attention from the fact that     you also came to work stoned Pessimists look at a glass that is 50% full and say it is half empty Optimists look at it and say it is half full Machinists look at it and understand the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to live with it the rest of your life    An Enco lathe and a Horrible Freight lathe are in a burning building and you can only save one. What is the real dilemma? Do you go to lunch or to a movie I named my Hard Drive "Dat Ass" So once a month my CNC asks if I want to back "Dat Ass" up. Engineers give you the feeling you're having a conversation with a dial tone or a busy signal.  What approach does a Milltronics salesman use? Sympathy You never finish a CNC Program you just stop working on it I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem A machinist is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. *"Adding manpower to a late CNC project makes it later." *CNC Programming:     Doing the same thing over and over again     and expecting different results. Click this link to next page of jokes . . . .

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